Changes!

So, I am not good at this whole blogging thing even though I truly enjoy it. This blog will temporarily not be quite as active as I am no longer trying to lose weight. Helps that I am allowed to gain weight since I am 18 weeks pregnant now! So that aspect will not be happening till baby is born. But I am still working on me. Re-discovering me. And soon, I will write my thoughts on women's retreat but am not ready to go public with that yet. But do stay tune! More is coming!!

Update!

It's been awhile I know. I didn't think everyone wanted to hear how hard of a struggle this is for me and how I was failing constantly! I'm not sure why this is so hard. But it is and will be for awhile! However, as of today, I am down 10lbs. Hopefully will stay down! But I am doing better on my portion control. That;s one of the areas I really struggle as well as sugar. I am really trying to limit how much sugar I have and it seems to be working. And actually I need to stop eating sugar before bed anyways cause it makes the rls go wild! Annoying as heck! So I am really trying hard to to limit it! I can say that as of right now I am 31 weeks soda free! Some days have been hard and some days have been easy but for the most part, it hasn't been a struggle! I will try and do better about posting on here because I do want to be held accountable and what better way then to post it all online for everyone to see! Ask me, get on me, do whatever you feel like you should do!

So freaking irritated!!

I've been doing weight watchers now for like 23-24 weeks. I've lost a total of maybe 7lbs? Why? not because I'm not exercising! I am actually! I walk 3 days a week-4 times total, I do crossfit 2 days a week and then Zumba one day a week. That part I have down. I can not get a hold of my eating! It's super frustrating cause I know if I did, I would lose the weight! I am not much of a healthy eater. I mean, it really takes work for me to eat healthy. When I go into the kitchen to get a snack or eat food, I go to sugar, chips, or anything unhealthy. Jake goes to the kitchen to get a snack and he grabs an apple and eats. Sometimes he craves sugar but he doesn't have the issue I have. I am trying to limit my sugar by only eating it on the weekends and I have already messed up on that yesterday! It makes sense, eat healthy, lose weight! So why can't I actually do that! Why is it so hard for me?? On top of it, I am bored of breakfast and lunch. Cereal, eggs, cottage cheese, and sandwiches are BORING! There has to be more!! I feel so stupid when it comes to food and eating properly. I so wish I could get a handle on my food! Have an ideas on how to help me??

Not too shabby!!

I know I will get this down. I also know it will take some time. I am slowly getting there. I walk about 3 days a week now usually about 2 miles and I also have been doing crossfit twice a week. Although this last week I didn't cause of the 4th and then we were in Vancouver Wa for 4 days. But even after not getting as much exercise and definitely not eating well, I only gained .8lbs this week so that makes me happy! And means that I can just start up the walking/crossfit again and hopefully have better results! I didn't reach my first month goal of 3-5 lbs. I only lost .8 lbs last month. So this month, I'm determined to do better! And I have also decided that I need to watch my sugar intake so no more sure in my house unless it goes to work with Jake or goes home with who ever brought it! This is a huge downfall for me and I need to get it under control!! However, I have to say that I am proud of my 22 weeks no pop!! This is the longest EVER I have been with out pop! Sometimes I crave it but really, its not as bad as I thought they would be! Thank you Lord! I will eventually bring it back in but I have to lose 20lbs first and then I only get when we go out to eat which we are also cutting back on. Well, trying to! Anyways, you can all help me out with my sugar by either not bringing me any or making sure you take it home! I am determined to get there! And I know I will succeed even if it takes me a bit!!

I did it!!

Last weeks class was really motivational and I am started to actually lose a good amount now!! I actually reached my 5% weight loss and I am down 8.8lbs and I am doing so much better on my eating and exercising!! And I haven't started crossfit yet!! I can't wait! I lost 3 lbs this last week :P I know I can do this and I know God is helping me and the support from all of you! Thank you so much!! Today I feel great!!

Excitement!

Ok so my weigh in today wasn't good. I knew it wouldn't be after the week I have been having! I gained 1.2 lbs :( But I knew I would. It was a hard week for me. Anyways, I really enjoyed my ww's class today. It was talking about making goals for the summer to help with all the summer entails. Parties, heat, food that's not really good for you. It's the first time I felt inspired and actually acted on it! So I have set up a new plan for me! I think I am gonna try and eat power foods only. See if that will help me. We are also purging the house of sugar. *cept for cooking with but I never dip into that* all munchy things will go too. I have a board up for everyone who comes into my house will see that will have a before pic, a now pic, and hopefully some day a after pic! It also has my goals of what I want for the week, the month, and the summer. I want to walk 2-3 times a week *email friends to do that with* I want to do crossfit 2-3 times a week *gotta wait till Hilary gets home* I will continue to do Zumba once a week *love this and probably will do it for awhile!* I want to lose 5 lbs per month I want to lose a total of 18 lbs by September! I know I can follow these and reach these goals if I make a plan and do! And if I have accountability! So, here's hoping I get my butt in gear and reach my goals!!

How do you 'break up' with food?

Yes I need to 'break up' with food. I need to get some time away from it but have NO clue how to do this! This whole eating thing has really gotten me down. I mean, I have NO self control what so ever! If I am craving something I want it now. I will search the house in search of that craving. If I can't find it, I will munch on something else. If I do find it, I tend to go overboard on it. It's worse when ovulating or on my period. Sorry guys! Anyways, I also discovered I'm an emotional eater.I eat when happy, I eat when sad, I eat when depressed, I eat when bored, I eat when we have game night, or friends over. I do not however drink pop! going on 18 weeks pop free! Amazing right?? So why can't I get the food part under control?? I think I know a couple of reasons why. Now I can't blame my mom fully for this. We didn't eat real well when I was younger. Got worse when my parents divorced and all we could afford was crap food. But, I was also WAY skinny. I mean 100 lbs soaking wet skinny! I didn't reach 130lbs till I was like 23! I could pretty much eat and drink whatever I wanted and I was fine. I wouldn't gain weight, I was healthy! I actually remember going to the dr once and they did a test on my cholesterol and it was normal. Jake was shocked because I was eating McDonalds and Burger King ALL the time! About when I was 20 is when I started putting on weight but it was slow. It wasn't like I woke up one day and was 30 lbs heavier, it took time. When I finally reached 157lbs, I couldn't believe I was that big! But I was so deep into my habits and couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I was now 57lbs heavier then I have ever been in my life! And even when I tried going to the gym, it stayed there. Didn't budge. At. All. Very annoying!! I got pregnant and miscarried and 3 months later got pregnant again. I was still 157lbs. I gained almost 20lbs with Chloe but lost it all within the first 6 weeks. But by the time I got pregnant with Josiah, I was 162lbs, my new high....gained 20lbs with JJ and lost it all within the first 6 weeks also but when I started Weight Watchers, I was at 176lbs, my new high, a new depressing high, a high that makes me irritated and feeling fat and like a failure. Like I will always be this big! As of last week I have lost a total of 7 pounds, 7lbs in 17 weeks!! My sister who is also doing weight watchers has lost almost 25lbs in her 17 weeks! Are you freaking kidding me?? She use to be bigger then me for most of our lives! Not fat, just bigger! And now she's like 10lbs lighter then me! Guess how my week has gone....yeah I'm depressed, I want to cry. I hate how I look, I hate how I feel, I hate that I can't get off my LAZY butt and go walking *Natalie, close to time to walk yet??* and I hate that I feel like I have NO control over my emotions and allow them to rule what I eat, when I eat. I should be in charge, I should be in control. But I am not. My husband brought up an interesting point for those of you that are Christian. He said that he thinks I have made food an idol and that will it's in that place of an idol, and placed higher then God, I will not overcome this! I need to bring God into this but I'm not sure how to surrender to him in this area, I'm not sure how to let go of it as an idol and put it back where it belongs! As you can see, I'm kinda all over the place. Partly cause I'm tired, but mostly cause I can't think straight! I am so frustrated with this stupid weight loss crap and I'm tired of being fat and feeling horrible, I'm tired of being depressed about this. I want to look good, feel good, wear cute clothes, play with my kids without getting winded. I'm tired of food having control in my life. It's not how it should be and I have no clue how to change it! And to be honest, I feel so alone! I have my mom and my sister in weight watchers with me. I even have a friend there too! But I feel so alone and I feel like I'm really struggling and that there is no one out there to help me! I feel hopeless, and I'm tired of feeling this way!